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Dear people of the earth,
You may not know us, but we are a Kingdom in the north of Europe. With our neighbours Sweden, Norway and Finland we form Scandinavia. We are a peaceful Kingdom but love our ferocious Viking background. So don’t fuck with us!
In the beginning of September, we had an appointment with a person of great importance. We made all the preparations and we were ready and (not so) willing. Two days ago he announced he wanted to buy an autonomous part of our Kingdom to exploit and destroy the environment and build a golfcourse. Of course, we rejected this idiot’s offer. By doing so we accidently kicked him in the balls (we still have that Vikingblood). Now he is mad and mocking in his rocking chair in The White House and won’t visit us anymore.
That leaves us with a big problem. We have 3000 burgers, 2500 kilograms of French fries and 15 gallons of chocolate milkshake in the refrigerator. Not to mention the Happy Meals we have shipped in for his kids. Vikings do not eat this shit and now we have quite a situation.
So, people would you help us? Do you know a president, prime minister or anyone else with a responsibility for a country? We don’t care, everyone is welcome, as long it’s not a vegetarian.
We have a lot tot offer, a meeting with our Queen (you have to be willing to wear a gasmask, because she is a notorious chain-smoker), a huge amount of food (you’ll never see the likes of that, we promise.) We think the last thing we have to offer is the best, especially for the less important people ( for example the prime-minister of the Kingdom of the Netherland, who mostly has to travel by bike) who never ever will experience this in their career. For them we have a completely VIP trip through the city of Kopenhagen. This includes, armoured limousines for the whole family, snipers on the roof, thousands of security officers on the runways, barricaded streets (that will make Kopenhagen a traffic dissaster and you talk of the town), hundreds of spectators (all of them already have been paid so they will be there.) Unfortunately, they have all been equipped with little American flags, sorry for that.
So if you know somebody who would love to visit us on the 2nd and 3rd of September we strongly suggest to call our prime minister Mette Frederiksen, You can reach Mette between 9.00 – 12.30 and 13.30 – 17.00 on working days only. Her cellphone number is 0045634295530
P.S. she can be breastfeeding her little Vikinggirl. So, if she doesn’t answer, just leave a message and she will call you back asap.
Yours Truly,
THE KINGDOM OF DENMARK
Den Haag, 23 augustus 2019
Simonistisch 